Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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