Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
