Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize