The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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