It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
