Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Umm I'm too high to move.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
