mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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