You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You were trust falling into bushes
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
