Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
