Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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