He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
