I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
