laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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