My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize