I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
