sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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