I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
