you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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