Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
