I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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