I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
