I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
