i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
