omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
