your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
