He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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