dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Someone signed my nipple.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
