i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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