you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
