Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she told me i tasted like america
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
