i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
