If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
bring money and cleavage
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
