When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
