I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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