I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Randomize
