whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
