Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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