So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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