Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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