once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
