They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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