I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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