Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
