you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize