You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
