I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
