i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
