omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
