I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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