He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
