I just gift wrapped bread.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize