I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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