I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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