She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
