her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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