I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
