Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
