he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
