I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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