why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
