Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
