Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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