Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
