no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Shitshow foam night was such a success
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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