Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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