We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
