i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize