i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
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