After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
