so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize