hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize