We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
