So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
