apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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